Thursday, October 19, 2017

FANFICCER'S FRIEND - GETTING SHIFTY WITH IT IN THE HOOD


Mark Bale posted this picture to The British Phil Silvers Appreciation Society:


Mr. Bale commented: “Can't understand why this never happened....

My response: “
The knee-jerk reaction for a fantasy crossover would be Toody & Muldoon meeting Bilko. And production-wise, it would have been the easiest to pull off. But for me, the Silvers character they should meet should have been Shifty Shafer.

"The Beverly Hillbillies" (6 episodes) 
  1. Jed Buys Central Park (29 October 1969)  
  2. The Clampetts in New York (5 November 1969)  
  3. Honest John Returns (11 March 1970)  
  4. Honesty Is the Best Policy (18 March 1970)  
  5. The Clampetts in Washington (22 September 1970)  
  6. Jed Buys the Capitol (29 September 1970)  
‘Car 54, Where Are You?’ took place in the New York City borough of the Bronx, and there has always been something of the Big Apple about all of Phil Silvers’ characters. But there was just something about Shifty that suggested to me that he would always run back to his base of operations, “the land of his birth” you might say.

The picture suggests the plot - Shifty Shafer cons the police officers of the 53rd precinct into helping him film a documentary about the station house and its "historical significance" in the Bronx.

So as a launching point for some fanfic, I would incorporate this picture as long as Silvers is considered to be Shifty Shafer.

BCnU!


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

WEDNESDAY WISH-CRAFT - "MURDOCH MYSTERIES" & "BONANZA"




In the Facebook group "The Murdoch Mysteries Appreciation Society", Pendrick Arrow gave me a handy guide to the timeline of 'The Murdoch Mysteries':

Season 1 begins in 1895 and each successive year, time progresses also by one year.

Season 1: 1895
Season 2: 1896
Season 3: 1897
Season 4: 1898
Season 5: 1899
Season 6: 1900
Season 7: 1901
Season 8: 1902
Season 9: 1903
Season 10: 1904
Season 11: 1905

For me, it's reminiscent of the basic timeline guide for 'Bonanza'.  Each season of that Western was set 100 years previously.  So the episodes from 1966 took place in 1866, 1971 episodes were set in 1871, etc.

But if you want to get more specific when thinking of both shows in the same universe, unfortunately their chronologies don't overlap.  However, there would be a problem if the 'Murdoch Mysteries' wanted to get the world of 'Bonanza' up to Toronto - most of the cast is gone.  

It would be great to imagine the two shows overlapping - if possible.  But Erik "Hoss" Cartwright died in 1878; Little Joe died twenty years later.  Their father, Ben, passed away in 1887, following the basics of the timeline and using the guideline of actors usually playing the same age as the characters they played.  Oldest son Adam lived to 1910 (at least), but since Pernell Roberts has passed away, he's O'Bviously not available to play the role again even though Adam was around in 1905.  

Candy Canaday is gone now as well, as is Hop Sing and Sheriff Coffee.  Probably the only 'Bonanza' characters who could show up at Station #4 would be Griff King and Jamie Hunter Cartwright.  And as old as the actors who played them - Tim Matheson and Mitch Vogel respectively.



It will never happen, of course.  You can only get the fictional televersions of historical figures who appeared in 'Bonanza' into 'The Murdoch Mysteries' and even then you'd have to recast the role.  When it comes to one such figure who did overlap - Mark Twain - the recasting should have been expected.  After all, three different actors played Sam Clemens over the course of the 'Bonanza' run.

But wouldn't it have been fun to think of some kind of crossover for both series?

BCnU!

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

MISSING LINKS - "MIDSOMER MURDERS" & "THE DOCTOR BLAKE MYSTERIES"



'That portrait was painted by Lucien Blake. 
And the bowl they smashed?
It was given to me by Olivier. 
Irreplaceable."
EDWARD ALLARDICE
'MIDSOMER MURDERS'

From the "Doctor Blake Mysteries" Wiki:


Lucien Blake was born around 1909 to French artist Genevieve Etienne and general practitioner and police surgeon Thomas Blake. His year of birth can only be speculated, as he was ten years old when his mother died in 1919. He had developed a strong attachment to her as she was gentle and understanding, while his father proved oppressive and demanding, urging his son to master the piano from an early age.

At Genevieve's passing, Thomas immediately sent him to a boarding school, for which Lucien never forgave him. In his twenties, the young man left for Scotland where he studied general medicine as well as surgery (as evidenced by his qualifications on the wall of his examination room).


There is at least a forty year span between 'The Doctor Blake Mysteries' and the "Judgement Day" episode of 'Midsomer Murders'.  And since ABC (the Australian TV network) has announced, in their "infinite wisdom", that the current fifth season is to be the last for Lucien Blake and his friends, I suppose we are free to consider how he spent that time.

Having been born in 1909, I'm assuming Blake was still alive in Toobworld into the 1990s, into his own 80s at least, barring any unforeseen accidents, illnesses or plain human evil.  He was a doctor and probably did his best to stay in condition.  And as far as I can remember, I don't think I ever saw him smoking.  (But that was not something I kept a lookout for.)

Of course, that all depends on how the series ends, of course.....  (The last episode airs in November at least as far as Australia goes.)


He spent most of his life following in the footsteps of his father, becoming a general practitioner and working as the coroner for Ballarat.  But at some point, his soul may have felt a yearning to follow a different path, and he may have found a muse in his memories of his late mother. Perhaps he inherited some of her talent as an artist, maybe not.  At the very least it was a way for him to reconnect to her, whom he lost in 1919 when he was only ten years old.

If he began painting in earnest soon after we lose track of him in the Toobworld timeline, by the end of the century he might have become so proficient that his work became renowned internationally.  Mr. Allardice did say his name as though he expected Tom Barnaby to know who Lucien Blake was.  But then again, it was a portrait of Edward Allardice at the height of his glory days as an actor, so he might have been biased as to Dr. Blake's fame as a painter.


This particular painting by Dr. Blake was damaged during a break-in, but it could have been restored.  The style of the artwork looks like that of Lucien Freud and so at least from the real world perspective, perhaps the name of the artist was chosen to suggest that.  But from within the "reality" of Toobworld, I'm going to stick with the claim that it was painted by the doctor from Ballarat.

And if any other pictures show up in other TV shows which display a similar style, why not add them to Lucien Blake's body of work?  

In fact, I'll take it a step further:  Have you ever seen the 'Columbo' episode "Suitable for Framing"?  Smarmy art critic Dale Kingston killed his uncle and framed his aunt so that he could inherit his uncle's art collection.  It's pozz'ble, just pozz'ble, that among the artworks in Rudy Matthews collection was an early example of Dr. Lucien Blake's style.  



It might even have been the painting that doomed Kingston because of a particular fingerprint on it.....

BCnU!


Monday, October 16, 2017

TV-GPS: DERRY, MAINE




ARTHUR DALES:
"Everything weird ends up in Florida."
'The X-Files'

That's not exactly true anymore, Mr. Dales.....


The setting for the movie "It" is Derry, Maine, not unfamiliar a town to those with only a passing acquaintance with Stephen King's work, and it is a multiversal location - found in books, movies, and Toobworld.

From Wikipedia:
Derry is a fictional town and a part of Stephen King's fictional Maine topography. Derry has served as the setting for a number of his novels, novellas, and short stories. Derry first appeared in King's 1981 short story "The Bird and the Album" and has reappeared as late as his 2011 novel "11/22/63" (see list below). Derry is said to be near Bangor, but King has acknowledged that Derry is actually his portrayal of Bangor.  A map on King's official website, though, places Derry in the vicinity of the town of Etna.

The mini-series of 'It' exists in Earth Prime-Time, unlike some other TV adaptations of King's stories.  ('The Stand' is the O'Bvious exclusion.  It had to go to its own Toobworld.)  So there is the anchor for Derry's existence in Toobworld and theoretically it should be a location which can be referenced by other TV shows.

And guess what?  They have!

In "Mr. Scratch", the April 22, 2015 episode of Criminal Minds, Derry, Maine is mentioned as the scene of a previous crime.  ("Mr. Scratch" is the twenty-first episode of Season Ten of Criminal Minds.)  One of the unsub's murders by proxy occurred in Derry, Maine, a fictional town created by Stephen King.

"Larry Merrin's from Topeka; Christine McNeil is from Roswell, Georgia; Daniel Karras is from Derry, Maine."*

In "Love Boat", the 4th episode of season 14, that aired on October 11, 2016 of 'NCIS', Quinn asked David Kemmons (cousin of the murdered sailor) where he's from in Maine.  Kemmons answered "Derry." 

At least three of the novels which were adapted for television - "The Tommyknockers", "11/22/63". and "Storm of the Century" - at the very least mentioned Derry.  But I can't say whether or not it also happened in the televersions of those books.  

Maine in general seems to be the focal point for a lot of weird bleep that goes down in Toobworld, counterpoint to its Southern cousin, Florida.  And it's not just from Stephen King (although he also added Chester's Mill and its dome):

COLLINSPORT
'Dark Shadows'

'HAVEN'

LONDON FLATS
'The Twilight Zone' - "Midnight Call"

STORYBROOK
'Once Upon A Time'

CABOT COVE
'Murder, She Wrote'

CRABAPPLE COVE
'M*A*S*H'

And the coastal inn where Dr. Frankenstein's monster seen in 'Struck By Lightning'.

Perhaps at least with his locations, it could be that Stephen King might be compared to HP Lovecraft in how he shares his creations.

BCnU!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

DATELINE TOOBWORLD: THE STORY OF GRACE BEDELL



According to 'CBS Sunday Morning', today (Sunday, October 15, 2017) marks the 157th anniversary of the letter written by ten-year-old Grace Bedell to Abraham Lincoln.

You've probably heard of her, but may not remember her name.

From Wikipedia:
Grace Greenwood Bedell Billings (November 4, 1848 – November 2, 1936)[1] was an American woman, notable as the person whose correspondence, at the age of eleven, encouraged Abraham Lincoln to grow his iconic beard. Lincoln later met with Bedell.

On October 15, 1860, a few weeks before Lincoln was elected President of the United States, Grace Bedell sent him a letter from Westfield, New York, urging him to grow a beard to improve his appearance.[2] Lincoln responded in a letter on October 19, 1860, making no promises. However, within a month, he grew a full beard.

In an 1878 interview with a local newspaper of Westfield, Grace Bedell-Billings recalled what prompted her to write the letter.

"We were at that time residing at Westfield, N.Y. My father, who was a staunch Republican, brought one day to me—who followed in his footsteps and was a zealous champion of Mr. Lincoln—a picture of 'Lincoln and Hamlin,' one of those coarse exaggerated likenesses which it seems the fate of our long-suffering people in such contents. You are familiar with Mr. Lincoln's physiognomy, and remember the high forehead over those sadly pathetic eyes, the angular lower face with the deep cut lines about the mouth. As I regarded the picture, I said to my mother 'He would look better if he wore whiskers, and I mean to write and tell him so.'"
Hon A B [sic] Lincoln...Dear SirMy father has just home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr. Hamlin's. I am a little girl only 11 years old, but want you should be President of the United States very much so I hope you wont think me very bold to write to such a great man as you are. Have you any little girls about as large as I am if so give them my love and tell her to write to me if you cannot answer this letter. I have yet got four brothers and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to [sic] but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a little baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be. When you direct your letter direct to Grace Bedell Westfield Chautauqua County New York.I must not write any more answer this letter right off Good byeGrace Bedell

The February 19, 1861 edition of the New York World recounted the meeting as follows:

"At Westfield an interesting incident occurred. Shortly after his nomination Mr. Lincoln had received from that place a letter from a little girl, who urged him, as a means of improving his personal appearance, to wear whiskers. Mr. Lincoln at the time replied, stating that although he was obliged by the suggestion, he feared his habits of life were too fixed to admit of even so slight a change as that which letting his beard grow involved. To-day, on reaching the place, he related the incident, and said that if that young lady was in the crowd he should be glad to see her. There was a momentary commotion, in the midst of which an old man, struggling through the crowd, approached, leading his daughter, a girl of apparently twelve or thirteen years of age, whom he introduced to Mr. Lincoln as his Westfield correspondent. Mr. Lincoln stooped down and kissed the child, and talked with her for some minutes. Her advice had not been thrown away upon the rugged chieftain. A beard of several months' growth covers (perhaps adorns) the lower part of his face. The young girl's peachy cheek must have been tickled with a stiff whisker, for the growth of which she was herself responsible."


You may have seen her defining moment in life dramatized for television in the early 1970s, but you wouldn't have known her name was Grace Bedell.  In "The Great Man's Whiskers", she was played by Cindy Eilbacher but was named Elizabeth Cooper.

I just don't understand this.  It's almost as if it was a slap in the face to the memory of Grace Bedell, erasing her from memory via televised history.  Beyond that, it's an insult to girls named Grace and to the family name of Bedell.  Such a distinctive loverly name - why homogenize it into something bland and unmemorable?  No offense to the Elizabeths and Coopers out there, but there are so many other TV characters with those names.

So this stands as the reason why I cannot in good faith incorporate this TV movie into Earth Prime-Time, the main Toobworld.  Of course, it counts toward the membership of Abraham Lincoln into the TVXOHOF as a multiversal back in February of 1999, one of the founding members of the official Hall.  (Dennis Weaver played the role.)

Maybe someday the life of Grace Bedell will be dramatized again on TV... and hopefully under her real name.


BCnU!

 

VIDEO SUNDAY - NAPA TIME


The Napa Valley wildfires have been dominating the news the last few days - and that's in a week with stories about Trump, Weinstein, the Las Vegas Shooter, and Puerto Rico are still trending strongly.

I have cousins with a vineyard there and so far they've been lucky.  Some damage, but hopefully they'll escape relatively unscathed thanks to Engine #7.  But they are packed and ready to bug out should the need arises.

When it comes to the vineyards of northern California, there was one go-to series located in Toobworld - the prime-time soap from Earl Hamner, Jr. 'Falcon Crest'.

So here are a few compilations as a tip of the hat to the people of the Napa Valley......









BCnU!

Saturday, October 14, 2017

SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS - EARLY DAYS FOR RICK AND MORTY



It took over two years but I'm finally getting attuned to watching the Adult Swim show 'Rick and Morty'.  To the point where I'm interested in seeing the crude origins of the characters.

So I figured you might like a taste of those primitive cartoons as well.  Plus some analyses videos in case you missed some of the jokes that raced by.










BCn~BURP!~U!


Friday, October 13, 2017

TWIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES - WILL TV FICTIONALIZE THE NAPA WILDFIRES?



From NBC News:
[by ALEX JOHNSON, RICHIE DUCHON and ANDREW BLANKSTEIN]

LOS ANGELES — Fierce wildfires whipping up nightmare conditions in Northern California have killed at least 15 people, destroyed more than 1,500 structures and turned wineries into charred wastelands.

The death toll continued to climb Tuesday as fire crews battled at least 17 large fires, while more than 20,000 people in the paths of the fast-moving infernos fled their homes, the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection, or Cal Fire, said. In all, more than 115,000 acres have burned since the weekend, officials added.

Firefighters were counting on cooler weather and weakening winds to help in their fight.


From Wikipedia:
Napa Valley AVA is an American Viticultural Area located in Napa County, California, United States. Napa Valley is considered one of the premier wine regions in the world. Records of commercial wine production in the region date back to the nineteenth century,[5]but premium wine production dates back only to the 1960s.

The combination of Mediterranean climate, geography and geology of the region are conducive to growing quality wine grapes. John Patchett established the Napa Valley's first commercial vineyard in 1858. In 1861 Charles Krug established another of Napa Valley's first commercial wineries in St. Helena. Viticulture in Napa suffered several setbacks in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, including an outbreak of the vine disease phylloxera, the institution of Prohibition, and the Great Depression. The wine industry in Napa Valley recovered, and helped by the results of the Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, came to be seen as capable of producing the best quality wine – equal to that of Old World wine regions. Napa Valley is now a major enotourism destination.


From SFGate.com:
While many winery owners have not yet discovered or determined the extent of the Wine Country fires in Napa and Sonoma counties, many are reporting damage, ranging from complete destruction to smaller impact.

Shortly after the Towers fell in 2001, somebody wrote in to the Letters To The Editors column of the New York Daily News, declaring angrily that no one should try to capitalize on the tragedy by making a movie about it.  And yet, in the sixteen years since, we've had at least one - "Remember Me".

But in Toobworld, there have been more references to that fateful day.  At first, TV shows did try to avoid the subject matter.  In its short life on the toob, '100 Centre Street' never once made mention of the collapse even though the series was only blocks away from the World Trade Center.  The characters from 'Friends' never addressed the terrorist attack in the show; but finally in "The One Where Chandler Takes A Bath", Joey is seen wearing an FDNY T-shirt with the name of Captain Billy Burke, who perished in the towers' collapse.


Slowly TV shows, especially those set in NYC, began to forge connections to the fall of the Towers.  'Without A Trace' and 'Becker' had guest characters who lost family members that day. Mac Taylor of 'CSI: NY'  lost his wife and Tommy Gavin of 'Rescue Me' lost his cousin (who was also a brother firefighter.)

The involvement of fictional characters in historical events is nothing new; there are millions of characters who were lost on the expansive canvas of war throughout all the meta universes of Fiction, and thousands just from the realm of television.  The American Revolution, the Civil War, both World Wars (with some emphasis on Pearl Harbor and D-Day), but also wars with no connection to the United States.  (After all, it is Toobworld.)  The Boer War, the War of the Roses, the English Civil War, the Russian Revolution, the Boxer Rebellion - they've all see their televersions made manifest.

It's not just war.  The 1989 San Francisco earthquake caused a man's death in the pilot episode of 'My Life And Times'.  The aforementioned Mac Taylor of 'CSI: NY' and Jethro Gibbs of 'NCIS' both survived the 1983 barracks bombing in Beirut while so many real marines and soldiers perished. And of course the Titanic has always been a magnet for TV shows.  There are records, passenger lists, of who was on board that fateful maiden voyage, but still more are always being added.  'The Time Tunnel', 'Doctor Who', 'Upstairs, Downstairs', 'Captains And The Kings', 'One Step Beyond', 'Voyagers!', and 'Downton Abbey' all had characters rubbing elbows with Astor, Molly Brown, and Captain Smith on the promenade deck.  Some of them survived, usually via temporal manipulation or by heroic sacrifice.  But most of the fictional characters perished.

'Treme' built a whole series around the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

And so now we have this horrible wildfire tragedy causing so much damage and as I write this there have been at least 34 people who have already died and authorities believe that number will rise.

Will the Powers That Be behind the expansion of Toobworld find some way to incorporate this tragedy into their TV shows?  I'm afraid it's possible.

However most of the shows that would have tried to capitalize on the wildfires no longer exist.  The two that first come to mind are 'Falcon Crest', a prime-time soap opera, and the sitcom 'Encore! Encore!':


From Wikipedia:
FALCON CREST 

Falcon Crest is an American prime time television soap opera that aired for nine seasons on CBS from December 4, 1981 to May 17, 1990. The series revolved around the feuding factions of the wealthy Gioberti/Channing family in the Californian wine industry. Jane Wyman starred as Angela Channing, the tyrannical matriarch of the Falcon Crest Winery, alongside Robert Foxworth as Chase Gioberti, Angela's nephew who returns after the death of his father. The series was set in the fictitious Tuscany Valley (modeled after the Napa Valley) northeast of San Francisco.


From Wikipedia:
ENCORE! ENCORE!
'Encore! Encore!' is an American sitcom starring Nathan Lane as an opera singer. On the verge of becoming "The Fourth Tenor", Lane's character injures his vocal cords and must move in with his family, who run a vineyard in Northern California.

In the last couple of years, a few shows have been revived - 'Dallas', 'Will & Grace', 'The X-Files' and 'Twin Peaks' perhaps the most notable.  So I would not be surprised if somebody tries to bring back 'Falcon Crest' perhaps in syndication or on one of the online premium platforms.  They might address the wildfires and their effect on the Channing/Gioberti label with a loss of arable land and maybe even a few lives.

But as for 'Encore! Encore!', Nathan Lane's showcase as ruined opera singer Joe Pinoni was called "The Moose Murders" of sitcoms and never made it through the full season.  I don't see how it could be a problem for Toobworld in general to consider the Pinoni Vineyards as being destroyed.  I wouldn't wish death on anyone, even if they are fictional, but if anybody did want to revive 'Encore! Encore!' then they might consider the fate of Joe Pinoni's sister who was played by Glenne Headley.  I adored Glenne Headley and was upset when I heard she died earlier this year.  So even though it would be a downer, this might be the reason why her character didn't come back for a revival.  (Not that anybody is holding their breath for that.)




So TV shows set in the Napa vineyards aren't that common.  The fires have come close to threatening Sacremento, but even 'The Mentalist' is no longer on the air.  But there are TV shows that occasionally have dealt in the vineyards - two episodes of 'Murder, She Wrote' with two different vineyards.  At least the Carsini Vineyard would have been spared as it was located outside Los Angeles.  (The vineyard where that 'Columbo' episode was was filmed is 83 miles south of Napa on the other side of San Francisco.)

There's nothing to say that the Marino Brothers vineyards had to be near their rival Carsini (whoever was now running it.) So those purveyors of liquid filth could have lost everything if they were located in Napa Valley.

So other TV series with nothing that usually connects them to Napa Valley might find a way to do so.  

And that's just the sad news coming out of Napa.  Who knows if somebody wants to build on the sorrows caused by hurricanes in Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico.?

We'll just have to wait and view.

BCnU!

Thursday, October 12, 2017

MISSING LINKS - "9JKL" & "BLIND JUSTICE"


OCTOBER, 2017



'9JKL'

When actor Josh Roberts moved back to New York City and into the apartment squeezed between his parents and his brother and his family.  A “Welcome Home” gift was a giant poster of Josh’s last acting job: the lead role in a TV show called ‘Blind Cop’.

Based on that poster – the tagline “See No Evil”, the position of Josh (looking one way but aiming in the opposite direction) – I would think it was being marketed either as a straight-out sitcom or as a light-hearted hour-long police procedural. 

At the very least, I trust the network’s law squad had locked up the rights to the life story of Jim Dunbar before the series went into production….


'BLIND JUSTICE'


Jim Dunbar was an NYPD detective who had been blinded during a shoot-out with a suspect.  In late 2004/early 2005, Dunbar and his partner had arrived in response to a distress call from two other officers who had already expended all of their ammunition. 
Seeing how dire their situation was, Dunbar’s partner froze in fear which left Dunbar to bring down the gunman on his own. 

But while making the attempt, Jim Dunbar was shot and although he survived it, he was left blind.  He ended up suing the NYPD – not for money, but for the right to continue working for the department as a detective.  (He may have found inspiration in the San Francisco Police Department’s consultant, former Police Chief Robert T. Ironside.)

When Dunbar signed the contract with the production company to make a TV series about his life, he might not have had the best representation by his side, as it does appear that even If “Blind Cop” was presented as a straight drama, the audience thought it was a joke.

Dunbar probably had the same reactions from the people in his life, both at home and on the job.  (I think on the whole, the Trueniverse audience saw the premise of ‘Blind Justice’ to be too far-fetched.) 

At any rate, ‘Blind Cop’ was eventually canceled by the network.  But as I know, Detective Jim Dunbar is still on the job.  That’s how it goes in Toobworld….


BCnU!

(No offense, Jim.....)


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

A RED LETTER DAY IN TOOBWORLD - FICTIONAL SEX ACTS ON THE TOOB!



Every so often I get stuck for a story for the next day in Inner Toob.  And so I have to refer to the "slush file".  And what better to get readers than something salacious and juicy?

How about fictional sex acts only found in Toobworld?  (With one of them found on another planet - Mondas on the continent of Westeros.)

L.A. LAW
MY OWN WORST ENEMY

Venus Butterfly

[One more show to reference it and the Venus Butterfly could join the TVXOHOF!]

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Cincinnati Hat Trick

COMMUNITY
Mexican Halloween

BONES
Page 186

SCRUBS
The Stinkbug


WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY?
Pruning the Hibiscus

SAI DE BAIXO
Legless Kangaroo

CONAN
Tokyo Sandblaster
Taking Grandma To Applebee's

TWO AND A HALF MEN
Japanese Rain Goggles

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Alabama Crab Dangler

GAME OF THRONES
Meereenese Knot

THE GOLDEN GIRLS
Savannah Twister

NEW GIRL
The Captain

FARSCAPE
The Left-handed Latvian Rodeo Torture

PICKET FENCES
The Squiggle

ACTION
Dominican face-hat
Two-fingered Mexican oil job
Double-knobbed rubber-bottom sex-basket
Reverse ceiling squad
(All four of these are fake)

There's one other one I heard the other day but damned if I can remember from where.  And I can't remember who mentioned it, although for some reason I want to say it was Tea Leoni.  Could I have heard it in the season premiere of 'Madam Secretary'?

I'll have to check the transcript if it's up.

A big thanks to the TV Tropes website which listed most of these sex acts.

Related image

BCnU!


Tuesday, October 10, 2017

TWO FOR TUESDAY - WATCHING "I LOVE LUCY" AT THE OLD ONE-TWO


'BARNEY MILLER'
"COPYCAT"

Nick Yemana had the lead on a case involving a store owner who was robbed by a guy who threatened to blow the place up with the dynamite he had shoved down his pants.  The victim said that he had seen a similar robbery already... in a TV show.

So Nick conducted his own kind of research - he read that week's TV Guide....


Barney didn't know that's what he was doing when he caught Nick perusing the issue.  He just figured Nick was goofing off as usual.  But the Captain should have realized something was up because it wasn't the Racing Times he was reading.

Barney was slightly impressed with Nick's initiative and asked him if he found anything yet that would lead them to the copycat.

Nick showed him one entry: Lucy was pregnant and didn't know how to tell Ricky.  Barney added that this was also the episode in which Ricky lost his job.

Actually in the Trueniverse, these were actually two different episodes.

'I LOVE LUCY'
"RICKY ASKS FOR A RAISE" 
Episode aired 9 June 1952
After Ricky loses his job when he asks for a raise, Lucy comes up with a plan to demonstrate to his boss how important he is.

'I LOVE LUCY'
"LUCY IS ENCIENTE"
Episode aired 8 December 1952
When Lucy learns that she's going to have a baby, she tries to find the right way to tell this to Ricky.

Had this been in the real world, I might have just shrugged it off as Barney conflating the two plots into one.

Forget it, Jake.  This is Toobworld.

Long ago I had to accept the reality that even though most TV shows share the same dimension, many times they would refer to each other as TV shows.  Paraphrasing Warhol, everybody in Toobworld will have a TV show made about them.

So there is a televersion of the 'I Love Lucy' sitcom.  It's been mentioned in other TV shows beside Barney Miller:
  • 'Our Miss Brooks'
  • 'The George Burns And Gracie Allen Show'
  • 'The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis'
  • 'Green Acres'
  • 'Sanford And Son'
  • 'Rhoda'
  • 'M*A*S*H'
  • 'Lou Grant'
  • 'St. Elsewhere'
  • 'E/R'
  • 'Webster'
  • 'Charles In Charge'
  • 'Miami Vice'
And most recently, 'Gilmore Girls', 'Fuller House', and 'Mom'.

The shows from the 1950s, which would include 'M*A*S*H' on the Toobworld timeline, mean that the show is as old as it is here in the real world.  And that means it was being produced around the same time as Ricky Ricardo was performing at the Tropicana, acting in "Don Juan", traveling through Europe, and the family moving to Connecticut.  It's not surprising that a show about the Ricardos would be on the air before their full story had played out in their "real" lives - after all, they were celebrities and thus of interest to the general public.

But the show doesn't have to be exactly as it was in the Trueniverse, the one we all watched over the years.  And this is a good example that the show they talked about was not the same sitcom that we watched in the real world.  The real 'I Love Lucy' had two episodes - one dealt with Lucy being pregnant and the other about Ricky losing his job.  But in Toobworld, the televersions of the show's producers combined those two plots into one.

Two for Tuesday!


DATELINE TOOBWORLD - OCTOBER 8-14, 1977


Never take the phrase "timeless TV" literally. There are shows that will make us laugh long after the principles involved are no longer with us - 'I Love Lucy', 'Monty Python's Flying Circus', 'Get Smart'.  (Although I admit not every show will elicit similar reactions.)  And there are dramas that keep us captivated decades later - 'Columbo', the original 'Star Trek', 'Perry Mason'.  (But again - to each his own.)  

But even so, we're not blinded by the signs of aging in these shows.  Reality has overtaken 'Star Trek' with communicators and computers - even the sequels are more believable based on just the set designs.  'Columbo' is always tripped up by the technology which seems antiquated now - television recording devices, telephones, home movie centers.  

But none of that takes away from what makes them so intriguing so many years later - the heart of these shows lies in the characters and their dynamic with each other.  That's what makes them immortal.

One good example is 'Barney Miller'.  Modern police work in New York City has gone far beyond what we see here - all of the files would have been digitized and catalogued properly in a computer backup system so that Nick Yemana couldn't lose them under magazines.  No typewriters, coffee pods instead of that old-fashioned brewing system used by the Ol' One-Two.  And they certainly would have moved on to a more efficient office space in which to work.

Yet what was important were the types of criminals and victims and witnesses they had to deal with.  Those characters were immortal!

I started watching it again on a daily basis because I was missing the type of people I used to work with - not just my co-workers, but the clientele who entered our lobby each night.  I always said my job was like a front-row seat for a theatrical performance.

So in that way, the show is timeless.  But the episodes have to be considered as taking place from the mid-1970s to the early 80s.  Beyond that, they can be mixed and matched on the rerun schedule for the most part - one still has to take into account running storylines (Wojo's quest to make sergeant; Harris' book deal; Fish's impending retirement....  You don't want to follow up the episode in which Mr. Cotterman dies with one in which he had the window of his store shot out.

And of course, the holidays, elections, the Olympics, certain other news events - they have to be time-locked as well.

And sometimes they can be pinned down to a more specific date due to some small bit o' trivia in the episode.

'BARNEY MILLER'
"COPYCAT"


Nick Yemana had the lead on a case involving a store owner who was robbed by a guy who threatened to blow the place up with the dynamite he had shoved down his pants.  The victim said that he had seen a similar robbery already... in a TV show.

So Nick conducted his own kind of research - he read that week's TV Guide....

We got several looks at the cover, but never anything too overt.  Today they would have made a fuss over it since it would have been a case of cross-pollinating promotion - one ABC show promoting another.  

The cover was dedicated to Donnie and Marie Osmond who had their own variety show on the "alphabet network".


The date on the magazine is October 8-14, 1977, a week when there was no new episode for 'Donny And Marie'.  On October 7, the week before, their guests were Paul Lynde, Neil Sedaka, Robert Young, and Miss America 1978, Susan Perkins.  When the show returned on the 21st, their guests were Glenn Campbell and Bernadette Peters.

So it was during this week when the episode occurred.  Nick must have run down to Mr. Roth's news stand and picked up a copy of the current TV Guide in order to do his research.  (No need to have one on hand - there was no TV in the squad room.)

This episode aired on October 27, 1977 so it was a delayed projection of the events for the Trueniverse audience.

As to what day it actually took place, I'm going to guess no later than Tuesday the 11th.  After all, by Wednesday Mr. Roth would have replaced that issue with the next one which would go into effect on Saturday the 15th.

Maybe.  Maybe not.  But by saying it happened on a Tuesday, it gave me a reason to turn this into a Two For Tuesday theme!

Stay tuned!

Monday, October 9, 2017

TV-GPS - W. 139TH STREET & WEST END AVENUE




When NYD Lt. Theo Kojak's niece Alexandra got married in late 1973, the ceremony was held at St. Malachi's Greek Orthodox church in the Bronx.  As you might expect, this particular house of worship was only to be found in Toobworld.

And the church's location wasn't much help either - close to the corner of W. 139th Street and West End Avenue.

There is no West End Avenue in the Bronx.  And the one to be found in Manhattan only goes as far north as W. 108th St.

It really is a trivial detail - everybody should know that Earth Prime-Time was never going to follow an exact blueprint of Earth Prime.  There are natural differences with lakes, rivers, mountains not found in our world; fictional cities, countries, buildings and streets.  

I remember when a NY Post writer got a little bent out of shape that the TV series 'Clubhouse' had a subway line going where it never went before.  Yeah... in the real world.  Things were planned out a bit differently in TV-NYC.

BCnU!